tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51175855577023287052024-03-13T22:01:39.895-07:00The Saucethe Saucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10604590169010936783noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117585557702328705.post-21144907070250295992016-01-18T17:09:00.000-08:002016-12-19T12:53:21.360-08:00I "Did" Buzzfeed's 7 Day Clean Eating Challenge And This Is What I Learned And StuffIt’s really weird explaining to people that you are about to start a clean eating diet. There's...some judgement.<br />
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It’s even stranger to follow up by clarifying that you have no intention of actually completely following the diet, and that you are planning to recap the whole thing for your secret lifestyle blog that you are unreasonably proud of, given the whole page view situation. Really this whole venture was unfairly freighted by the expectations and prejudices of the people around me, is how I’m choosing to justify it.<br />
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So here’s a recap of what it’s like to noncommittally follow a very specific diet plan for a week. Some caveats/notes: I went into this week knowing there were at least a couple nights when my work or social schedule would keep me from following the plan, so I did my best to switch meals around and grocery-shop accordingly on the first day (I still ended up with two broccoli crowns that I didn’t use and that are currently becoming soft and liquidy in my fridge). I also started this diet after Stephanie did it first (typical) and had the advantage of just skipping entirely the meals that she said were gross or not worth it. I don’t like to snack, so I didn’t bother with most of those recipes, or I added them to whatever actual meal seemed reasonable, like adding the roasted squash seeds to one of the salads. And before I did anything else, I deleted the calorie counts for each recipe and day; I have a tendency to get a little obsessive over calories when I track them, and it’s not cute to flirt with an eating disorder once you’re out of college.<br />
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Also, I paid no attention to the coffee and alcohol rules, but in general I only have one cup of coffee in the morning, and I try not to drink when I’m home alone because I’ve been told to stop doing that.<br />
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Methodology: if I reviewed every one of these recipes in detail, it would be a goddamn book, and none of us have the energy for that Pioneer Woman bullshit. So I’m going to word-associate this shizz, and give myself twenty words or fewer to sum up how each meal worked out. I reserve the right to break this rule. A lot.<br />
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Overall, I really liked trying a full week of being accountable to cooking at home, from scratch, with healthy, non-processed ingredients. But ultimately, I don’t think it’s reasonable for me personally to do so much cooking at home right now; it makes me feel lonely and gross to spend so much time just with my cat and “30 Rock” reruns on Netflix, and it’s really not that much cheaper to buy all of these groceries than it is for a single person to eat out. But I definitely am going to incorporate some recipes into my rotation, and have taken to heart the lesson that kale can be wilted into ANYTHING. <br />
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<b><a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/christinebyrne/2016-clean-eating" target="_blank">Buzzfeed’s 7 Day Clean Eating Challenge 2016</a></b></h2>
<b><span style="color: #cc0000;">DAY 0 (SATURDAY)</span></b><br />
$170 in groceries, fuck me.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #cc0000;">DAY 1 (SUNDAY)</span></b><br />
<b>BREAKFAST: Kale, Sweet Potato, and Onion Frittata</b><br />
Tasty, but not worth it to whip egg whites by hand. Just lightly beat and pour over the veggies.<br />
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<b>LUNCH: Spinach Salad with Roasted Chickpeas, Tofu, and Blood Orange Vinaigrette</b><br />
Ooh, tofu is good when seasoned! A+, would make again.<br />
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<b>DINNER: Turkey-Stuffed Acorn Squash with Sage and Roasted Brussels Sprouts</b><br />
Note: in all recipes, triple all the spice amounts. This meal will give you gas (per my sister, not me).<br />
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<b>PREP FOR NEXT DAY: Pumpkin Yogurt Bark</b><br />
SUPER not worth it. Why would anyone freeze greek yogurt? This is some <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dt6dTevbdgE" target="_blank">DJ Tanner popsicle ice cube shit.</a><br />
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<b><span style="color: #cc0000;">DAY 2 (MONDAY)</span></b><br />
<b>BREAKFAST: Carrot Cake Oatmeal</b><br />
Gross. I bought non-baby carrots for this?! I felt like Oliver Twist eating this mess.<br />
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<b>LUNCH: Half of the Kale, Sweet Potato, and Onion Frittata (leftover from Sunday’s breakfast) with 1 apple</b><br />
The problem with the whipped egg whites is that they have the consistency of a kitchen sponge. Otherwise good.<br />
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<b>DINNER: Roast Chicken with Brussels Sprouts and Barley</b><br />
Barley took 3x longer to cook than anticipated. Fuck you, barley. Ate all the chicken while waiting for that bitch to cook.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #cc0000;">DAY 3 (TUESDAY)</span></b><br />
<b>BREAKFAST: Tart Cherry Overnight Oats</b><br />
Doubled all the flavoring and crunchy stuff. My favorite recipe so far! Seriously, this is delicious.<br />
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<b>LUNCH: One half of the Ground Turkey-Stuffed Acorn Squash recipe (leftover from Sunday’s dinner) with ½ English cucumber, cut in slices or matchsticks.</b><br />
Didn’t bother with the cucumber. Who would? Also a better version of this recipe stuffs the squash with Italian sausage and apple, just saying.<br />
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<b>SNACK: ½ recipe roasted chickpeas (leftover from Sunday’s dinner)</b><br />
Fine, whatever. I didn't find time to eat this.<br />
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<b>DINNER: Curried Kabocha and Kale Soup with Crumbled Tempeh</b><br />
HOW HARD IS THIS GODDAMN SQUASH? WHO COULD CUT THIS WITHOUT AN AXE? So this is the recipe where you need an immersion blender or regular blender. I planned for this by borrowing an immersion blender from a family member who owns tons of cooking stuff but only ever eats popcorn for dinner. This was a great plan, except when I pulled the blender out once the soup was ready to be blended, you know what wasn’t in the box? THE FUCKING MOTOR. So I just cooked everything another 10 minutes until it was REALLY soft, and then squished all the big pieces with the back of my ladle. TAKE THAT, culinary industrial complex. Also, this soup was really good.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #cc0000;">DAY 4 (WEDNESDAY)</span></b><br />
<b>BREAKFAST: Pomegranate Pistachio Greek Yogurt Parfait</b><br />
No part of this sounded good. I ate instant oatmeal with banana instead.<br />
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<b>LUNCH: Cucumber, Tofu, and Barley Rice Bowl with Blood Orange Dressing</b><br />
I mean…fine? Basically a homemade Lean Cuisine.<br />
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<b>DINNER: Cauliflower “Rice” Bowl with Hard Boiled Egg, Tomato, Scallions, and Goat Cheese</b><br />
This was good! And it turns out cauliflower "rice" is easier to cook than regular rice, which I always fuck up. Win!<br />
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<b><span style="color: #cc0000;">DAY 5 (THURSDAY)</span></b><br />
<b>BREAKFAST: Blood Orange Creamsicle Smoothie</b><br />
Fuck you, drinking my breakfast; what is this, a Slim Fast commercial? I would eat someone’s face off by 11am. Instant oatmeal.<br />
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<b>LUNCH: ⅓ recipe Kabocha and Kale Soup (leftover from Tuesday’s dinner) with 4 ounces roasted chicken breast (leftover from Monday’s dinner) </b><br />
Didn’t have leftover chicken from Monday, due to barley situation. Instead, I added extra goat cheese and it was yummy. As an aside, it was around this point that I realized that between the intense amount of fiber and the size of the portions, this diet creates way more food than I am (physically and digestively) comfortable eating. If you are going to try this plan, keep that in mind, maaaaybe cut the protein amounts down a bit, drink a TON of water, and FOR SURE buy some Miralax.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizNiz1UUO-OGP9yseSiL_rh2fWf63YwsZL-MdK6dYewoBgzGWBzNuLgLtBoJuoTuKQHI-wX2WssVz7ptVmf8IGnNxAqFCnWyTU_2vqSa8zendRiN8CglNVTEGh-XiTbkmgLzFXqa42hW8/s1600/Why+you+should+always+eat+lots+of+fiber.+-+Imgur.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizNiz1UUO-OGP9yseSiL_rh2fWf63YwsZL-MdK6dYewoBgzGWBzNuLgLtBoJuoTuKQHI-wX2WssVz7ptVmf8IGnNxAqFCnWyTU_2vqSa8zendRiN8CglNVTEGh-XiTbkmgLzFXqa42hW8/s320/Why+you+should+always+eat+lots+of+fiber.+-+Imgur.gif" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">*Not the author</td></tr>
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<b>DINNER: Sage-Roasted Potatoes with Salmon and Steamed Broccoli</b><br />
I knew I wasn’t going to make this; I had to work late, and the meeting host provided sandwiches. Also, I don’t like fresh salmon I KNOW IT’S WRONG. But it’s both sweet and oily…yeugh. So I bought smoked salmon to use in Friday’s salad and BONUS, there’s enough for bagels and lox once this nonsense is over. Should not have bought broccoli (see above, currently liquefying in fridge).<br />
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<b><span style="color: #cc0000;">DAY 6 (FRIDAY)</span></b><br />
<b>BREAKFAST: Pumpkin Oatmeal Raisin Mug Cake</b><br />
Stephanie said this was meh. I made Tuesday’s overnight oats again.<br />
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<b>LUNCH: Marinated Fennel Salad with Spinach, Dried Tart Cherries, and Salmon</b><br />
Pro tip: don’t eat this in the middle of a meeting. There’s…a smell. Of fish and licorice. Licorice fish.<br />
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<b>DINNER: Seared Flank Steak with Steamed Asparagus and Turnip Sweet Potato Mash</b><br />
Instead of doing this, I went over to Stephanie’s and played card games/got drunk/ate a burrito. WORTH IT.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #cc0000;">DAY 7 (SATURDAY)</span></b><br />
<b>BREAKFAST: Eggs Baked in Kale and Turnip Sweet Potato Mash</b><br />
Due to games/alcohol/burritos the night before, I did not have leftover turnip-sweet potato mash for breakfast. I DID have a hangover. Made eggs on mayonnaise toast. Come at me, bitches. (See Day 7+1 [Sunday] for recipe review.)<br />
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<b>LUNCH: Flank Steak and Asparagus Cauliflower Rice Bowl</b><br />
Was not prepared/still hung-over. "Made" tomato soup from a can. (See Day 7+1 [Sunday] for recipe review.)<br />
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<b>DINNER: Parsnip “Noodles” with Cherry Tomatoes, Basil, Tempeh, and Goat Cheese</b><br />
Actually made steak and root vegetable mash stuff from Friday. The mash was fine. I think I was sold horse meat instead of flank steak: inedible. Overall, not worth the effort, as are most things made with turnips. (See Day 7+2 [Monday] for recipe review.)<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Also, yes, that is my carpet. I eat on the floor in front of my Netflix. I've read a lot of think pieces about what actually constitutes a member of the Millennial generation, but I'm pretty sure this is the answer. You're welcome, <i>The Atlantic.</i></td></tr>
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<b>EVENING SNACK: Baked Pear with Greek Yogurt and Cinnamon</b><br />
See Day 7+2 (Monday) for recipe review.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #cc0000;">DAY 7 +1 (SUNDAY)</span></b><br />
<b>BREAKFAST: Eggs Baked in Kale and Turnip/Sweet Potato Mash</b><br />
Honest to God, who can manage to cook eggs in the oven? I couldn’t get them set enough, and so I eventually had to close my eyes and stir everything together really quickly to not see the squicky undercooked egg whites. Would not make again.<br />
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<b>LUNCH: Flank Steak and Asparagus Cauliflower Rice Bowl</b><br />
I didn’t add the inedible flank steak. Otherwise, this was fine. I was watching <a href="http://www.wired.co.uk/news/archive/2013-02/15/what-we-learned-hackers" target="_blank"><i>Hackers</i></a> while I ate this. Boom. #MatthewLillardForLife.<br />
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<b>DINNER: I invited myself over to the home of my relative who only eats popcorn for dinner. Ipso facto…</b><br />
Also we watched The Martian. THAT’s who I need to be my boyfriend…GET ON THAT, WORLD.<br />
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<b><span style="color: #cc0000;">DAY 7 +2 (Monday; Martin Luther King Day! I did not volunteer anywhere)</span></b><br />
<b>BREAKFAST: Pillsbury cinnamon buns in the pop and bake container. YUP</b><br />
As always, did not taste as good as they smelled.<br />
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<b>LUNCH: a chocolate croissant and coffee. YUP.</b><br />
Off the wagon.<br />
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<b>SNACK: two pumpkin chocolate chip cookies (homemade! That...counts?) and the “Autumn Hum” at the bar by my house where I’m writing this (a can of hard cider mixed with a shot of Fireball whiskey; when I call it an Autumn Hum they pretend they don’t know what I’m talking about BUT THEY DO.)</b><br />
It’s possible that I’m currently a little drunk.<br />
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<i>JOIN US NEXT TIME FOR THE EXCITING CONCLUSION! Will Katharine close her tab and go home to make parsnip "noodles"?!?! Will she remember to write about that experience, especially considering that there is an open bottle of port on the kitchen counter?! Why the fuck would anyone make parsnip noodles when regular noodles are a thing that exists? Next time on…Buzzfeed 7 Day Clean Eating Challenge 2016 Recap Or Whatever!</i><br />
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<br />the Saucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10604590169010936783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117585557702328705.post-45946740741441662882015-06-04T15:42:00.000-07:002015-06-04T16:10:58.130-07:00Saucecast: Dew Day and Dirty SecretsIt's a poorly researched look at spring cleaning, y'all. You aren't going to learn anything about keeping a tidy home, but you will learn about how disgusting we all are.<br />
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<a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-sauce/id973580999" target="_blank">Find us on iTunes</a> . Subscribe and rate us for extra brownie points.the Saucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10604590169010936783noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117585557702328705.post-35700431225967223092015-05-09T12:15:00.000-07:002015-05-09T16:42:52.813-07:00Avocado Pico de Gallo<span style="font-family: inherit;">I tried to look up the origin of the phrase "pico de gallo" only to find this as one of the possible explanations online:</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.5px;"><i>"Fighting Cocks are calmed by their handlers by placing the rooster's head in the mouth. Darkness causes birds to immediately begin the sleep cycle. It was explained to me (by a great Restaurant owner in Acuna, Mex.) that often as soon as the handler put the bird's head in his mouth he would often be pecked on the tongue. The spices in the salsa gives the same feeling, hence 'pico de gallo' is the beak of a fighting rooster biting your tongue."</i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.5px;">Which is a delightful visual.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.5px;">This recipe adds in avocados as well as bell peppers to make a texture and flavor explosion that is all at once creamy, crunchy, and fresh.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Get that chicken head out of your mouth and get ready to put this in it...</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 19.5px;"><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;"><i><b>Avocado Pico de Gallo</b></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.5px;"><u>Ingredients</u></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.5px;"><b>5-6 roma tomatoes, cut in half, scooped of their tomato goo, then diced.</b> In regular pico de gallo, you would just leave the tomato goo in, but when you are adding avocado, you don't want it to become soupy.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.5px;"><b>1 bell pepper, diced.</b> I used half of a green one and half of a yellow one.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.5px;"><b>1/2 -1 red onion, chopped</b>. I leave these chopped pretty huge because I love onion flavor, but can't eat raw onion. Leaving them big helps me avoid them. If you don't have this problem, chop them the same size as everything else.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.5px;"><b>1 jalapeno, seeded, ribs cut out, and minced very finely.</b> Add more if you're a spicy foods person. Do not touch your face until you've washed your hands. DO NOT. I know this from experience.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.5px;"><b>1/2 bunch of cilantro, chopped.</b> I chop it up, stems and all (after cutting off the bottom inch or so of stems). Leave it out if you're one of those people who is genetically programmed to think it tastes like soap. Sucks to be you, though, because cilantro is delicious.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.5px;"><b>The juice of 1-2 limes. </b>Bonus: The lime juice keeps the avocados looking fresh for a few days.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.5px;"><b>3 <i>Firm</i> Avocados, diced. </b>You don't want them to be hard as a rock, but they need to be pretty firm to keep their shape. We're not going for gooey buttery guacamole here, we're going for the kind of avocados you buy in hopes that they will be at the smooshing stage in a few days.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.5px;"><u>Directions</u></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 19.5px;">Add everything together in a bowl <i>except </i>the avocados. Stir up, season with kosher salt. Once it tastes like damn good pico de gallo, add the avocado and stir gently. Scoop up with chips. Revel in the colors of freshness. Love your life.</span></span></div>
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the Saucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10604590169010936783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117585557702328705.post-66400495639996492672015-05-09T06:00:00.000-07:002015-05-09T11:16:05.786-07:00Our Predictions for the "Game of Thrones" Characters aka "You know nothing, The Sauce" aka "50 Shades of Westeros"<div>
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<span style="word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Spoiler Alert:</b> The speculation below is based on what Katharine and I remember from reading and forgetting most of the first 5 books in the George R.R. Martin series "A Song of Ice and Fire".</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:21 AM</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just when I thought I was finally done with A Dance With Dragons, there's a zillion page epilogue chapter.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine</span><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:22 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ha. Well, enjoy it, because Martin is never going to write the next one.</span></span><br />
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">...</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:22 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At this point the characters are all so spread out and ridiculous, I don't even care.</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Kill them all.</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And let Patchface rule Westeros.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:23 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I bet the whole thing will end with an asteroid crashing into the world and starting a new Ice Age and everyone will die.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:24 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I just want the direwolves back.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:25 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yeah, where is Arya's wolf? Does Martin even remember her?</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:25 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Right?</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or Shaggydog?</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or whatever the youngest Stark boy is named. Has anyone bothered to pay attention to where he is?</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:25 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who now? Oh, that terrible little brat</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What was his name, something with an R?</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:26 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rickon</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:26 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yah</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:26 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oooh</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What if Rickon and Tommen end up ruling together as a fabulous gay couple?</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:26 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Eeeenteresting</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And Jon Snow and Jaime are their disapproving father figures who bicker like they are a couple too?</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:27 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Margaery Tyrell could also join in</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She has expressed (in the show at least) that she's down for polyamorous stuff</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:29 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We need to find a role for Tyrion (obvs)</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:29 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He's the kooky neighbor, obvs.</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Who runs the best little whorehouse in Westeros.</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Like a dirtier Mr. Furley.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:30 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With Cersei??</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:31 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I want Cersei to go away</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Like, maybe Cersei can go be banished and become the Khalesi of her own Dothraki tribe or whatever.</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Be the baddest bitch on the Dothraki sea.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:32 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That's an interesting idea. So she and Daenerys can just be ineffective female rulers far away from all of the good characters</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:33 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yep</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And Arya can come back to Westeros and join up with Brienne of Tarth to make the Kingsguard a lesbian/Amazon warrior thing</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:34 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What happens to Sansa?</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Does SHE partner with Tyrion to run the best whorehouse in Westeros?</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:34 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">OOH</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I like that.</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They'll be the Ropers. </span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sansa will wear whatever the Westerosi version of a muumuu is.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:35 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And is always pissed at Tyrion for sleeping with all the product without paying for it</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:35 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, she is the wife.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:35 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And has a secret affair with Littlefinger that she's ashamed of</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:35 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Honestly, that part of the book was slightly intriguing to me</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I enjoy Littlefinger</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:36 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me too, though he doesn't really make any sense yet</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:36 AM</span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr">
<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">True</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">OR</span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr">
<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Hound turns out not to be dead, but instead comes back to change his life and woo Sansa</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A changed man</span></span></div>
</div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now that his brother is dead, he can stop trying to pretend that he isn't just a big burnt teddy bear</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:39 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think we have something here</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:43 AM</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Should we write this book as erotica and try to make a 50 Shades thing happen?</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:47 AM</span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr">
<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think if you let Westerosi start getting into BDSM they will all just accidentally kill each other.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:47 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Accidentally"?</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:47 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We'll never know</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:49 AM</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And the Hound is like "Sansa, please. Call me Sandor. I may still have the scars on my face, but my heart has finally healed..."</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:51 AM</span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr">
<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whereas Sansa is beautiful, but her heart is cut to pieces by everything she's seen and don</span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">e.</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">8:51 AM</span></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr">
<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They are MFEO.</span></span><br />
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the Saucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10604590169010936783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117585557702328705.post-34174879198351610572015-05-06T09:43:00.000-07:002016-12-19T12:52:13.736-08:00Fatty Taters. Delicious and fun to say.<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">In honor of <a href="http://nedic.ca/blog-categories/international-no-diet-day" target="_blank">International No Diet Day</a>, I present to you my most requested recipe, a dish I like to call "Fatty Taters". </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's almost embarrassing in its simplicity and I always cringe when I am asked for the recipe because then everyone knows how absurdly easy these are. It was given to me by my friend Melissa's mom because all the best recipes come from somebody's mom, not a food stylist.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;"><b><i>Fatty Taters</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><u>Ingredients</u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>2 lbs of frozen country style hashbrowns</b>. You want little cubes, not shreds.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>2 cans cream of potato soup</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>1 pint sour cream</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>1 tsp garlic powder</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Salt and pepper to taste </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>2 cups of shredded cheddar cheese</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Optional</i>: <b>Dried dill and garlic salt</b>. I add these, but this recipe is perfect as written.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><u>Directions</u></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Step one:</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Preheat oven to 350 F. Grease up a large casserole dish (I use a 13x9 for maximum bubbly cheesy surface area).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Step two:</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Mix together the potato soup, sour cream, and the spices.</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDgIjm9M2XwfObKP_abLXHy-Hr796lpnXZw1JNBYb28bzbLDyPAycNJGzWTs56LLxWyjxQhkvKDXcPb73lprEWe9mLHuJwY2644IUOCx5GpSffCmb0baRbZc63Lr_0k8X5tukGaSbwwaw/s1600/IMG_1959.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDgIjm9M2XwfObKP_abLXHy-Hr796lpnXZw1JNBYb28bzbLDyPAycNJGzWTs56LLxWyjxQhkvKDXcPb73lprEWe9mLHuJwY2644IUOCx5GpSffCmb0baRbZc63Lr_0k8X5tukGaSbwwaw/s320/IMG_1959.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">(So I added a can of cheddar cheese soup because I accidentally grabbed a clam chowder instead of a potato soup. It ended up tasting basically the same.)</td></tr>
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<b style="font-family: inherit;">Step three:</b><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Layer the potatoes, creamy sauce, and 1 1/2 cups grated sharp cheddar cheese.</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1d_tA9NoA236Z6Z9hU0av_6rpl1PNWR1yG5H4iThJvumuXgNc5kszbrz1NvO43JxvfNz1FxjqFWhAcX1BAPIwxuq1q3UteLvcbzbsYFagULXrj_C798YvxJsibhSvqMenP7P-bJH6aFo/s1600/IMG_1962.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1d_tA9NoA236Z6Z9hU0av_6rpl1PNWR1yG5H4iThJvumuXgNc5kszbrz1NvO43JxvfNz1FxjqFWhAcX1BAPIwxuq1q3UteLvcbzbsYFagULXrj_C798YvxJsibhSvqMenP7P-bJH6aFo/s320/IMG_1962.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'll never promise you guys beautifully food-styled pictures, but I do promise that everything tastes amazing. Who has time to artfully arrange their ingredients under studio lighting? People who don't actually cook, that's who.</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPcLlKWvwtqDxzkUM3VLRLmuvRxBBpnaP1SbaVA3K_ekdAn9IM89fypGmVXaiOwuWi_scD-qRpphqu0db_HMtXcMlGlNh_uHL7Ai-MutZHrctMscUQA-mHS-ADHlIAkzaqGQBoEmbAW-Y/s1600/IMG_1963.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPcLlKWvwtqDxzkUM3VLRLmuvRxBBpnaP1SbaVA3K_ekdAn9IM89fypGmVXaiOwuWi_scD-qRpphqu0db_HMtXcMlGlNh_uHL7Ai-MutZHrctMscUQA-mHS-ADHlIAkzaqGQBoEmbAW-Y/s320/IMG_1963.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stay with me, it doesn't look great right now. But I promise that this turns into something spectacular.</td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilW15X3TXTWJSyXDw9YQnGXrGdJKcC3AJHm4i3Mue2BWZ7Z0N6gj2telPBhmgMKAxn7cmCkj1_VjbHVf3mnc4DRFev37ORkT9qFFLH-OSHeENtL9ASbenIZDDyZ0wgHfJc9Oi3hjE1680/s1600/IMG_1964.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilW15X3TXTWJSyXDw9YQnGXrGdJKcC3AJHm4i3Mue2BWZ7Z0N6gj2telPBhmgMKAxn7cmCkj1_VjbHVf3mnc4DRFev37ORkT9qFFLH-OSHeENtL9ASbenIZDDyZ0wgHfJc9Oi3hjE1680/s320/IMG_1964.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCc9y5qs7ZxX2ggOBpMAZP7kJ-wOZ0wsoWcXAIjzl3DYa9Nv_C4vNUWw5v7kU8jQs2iGCesEO_jwIv55CqoZCb2HQoIOVgWLf4z4lKLZ67YO3UCVxHHFijAdlQTdRBSHIXjY4QlM4lWDs/s1600/IMG_1965.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCc9y5qs7ZxX2ggOBpMAZP7kJ-wOZ0wsoWcXAIjzl3DYa9Nv_C4vNUWw5v7kU8jQs2iGCesEO_jwIv55CqoZCb2HQoIOVgWLf4z4lKLZ67YO3UCVxHHFijAdlQTdRBSHIXjY4QlM4lWDs/s320/IMG_1965.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrSfgbyvs8VIaBFBWn7tSrj1ERmbJxI5skSjCc3r7fa_QtXuSDQrchAmoM7veXsPv-nAbYrYaO3lEOgD9oOkfg7sT-FnAFYJwmb5JDPS93zE-zwY7Sd93foqQJ310KOm7su4E6WFfLsnE/s1600/IMG_1966.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrSfgbyvs8VIaBFBWn7tSrj1ERmbJxI5skSjCc3r7fa_QtXuSDQrchAmoM7veXsPv-nAbYrYaO3lEOgD9oOkfg7sT-FnAFYJwmb5JDPS93zE-zwY7Sd93foqQJ310KOm7su4E6WFfLsnE/s320/IMG_1966.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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Sprinkle remaining cheese on top. The original recipe calls for dotting the top with butter, which you are welcome to do but it's greasy and delicious enough without it.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD7tUH2kMbidLoaXXmTPCr18Y4SpBbuhi-VkNBzi6Oe2XstOLvDaRHMAzdm5A4DJWFTXjMEgljGU8V9ZxNjE9tJbZZ5JuHquY27Jk7-fugeIKPmRJlhtQyrt94l50HzrtPzHlGCljPC08/s1600/IMG_1967.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiD7tUH2kMbidLoaXXmTPCr18Y4SpBbuhi-VkNBzi6Oe2XstOLvDaRHMAzdm5A4DJWFTXjMEgljGU8V9ZxNjE9tJbZZ5JuHquY27Jk7-fugeIKPmRJlhtQyrt94l50HzrtPzHlGCljPC08/s320/IMG_1967.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibGOj0qhexUMPUe2vXz7Hh2RQDR1RNtBP4sbKK_iUCf80ieKPwFvPm2J6Nt92GbZAqhnjxPjYY_AQnFhrbMGbb1pF7bzIOEuwspqw4_jhDzLvtKf9BsyRp7nNs92IkpbDswGQGfAxKtss/s1600/IMG_1969.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibGOj0qhexUMPUe2vXz7Hh2RQDR1RNtBP4sbKK_iUCf80ieKPwFvPm2J6Nt92GbZAqhnjxPjYY_AQnFhrbMGbb1pF7bzIOEuwspqw4_jhDzLvtKf9BsyRp7nNs92IkpbDswGQGfAxKtss/s320/IMG_1969.JPG" width="292" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Drink your coffee while preparing, if needed. Do not bother to take coffee mug out of photo if photographing.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> Bake for 45 mins -1 hour. Marvel at yourself.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ_vQHeopTol6R0b8nwz-qqmAVEjK36JjmjmwrkKTv86pyvWtcELkbADgtqGRRxxj6dzVbQUIUcIsNljML6blcR9qbb_5eBFtDVuoImUg2MYNCRo4VMpi7g6DSl8ujceyyR2MPJKE2lDc/s1600/QLEyJ.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZ_vQHeopTol6R0b8nwz-qqmAVEjK36JjmjmwrkKTv86pyvWtcELkbADgtqGRRxxj6dzVbQUIUcIsNljML6blcR9qbb_5eBFtDVuoImUg2MYNCRo4VMpi7g6DSl8ujceyyR2MPJKE2lDc/s320/QLEyJ.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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the Saucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10604590169010936783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117585557702328705.post-33857004329566157812015-05-04T12:47:00.001-07:002015-05-09T12:20:52.211-07:00Comida de Cultural Appropriation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/49/61/5ca21c7eb77f63ea3cbfd59bebe4dc7f-frowning-cat-wearing-sombrero.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://0.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/49/61/5ca21c7eb77f63ea3cbfd59bebe4dc7f-frowning-cat-wearing-sombrero.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">It's almost <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinco_de_Mayo" target="_blank">Cinco de Mayo</a>. That holiday that everyone loves because it means drinking and taquitos and the holiday that very few of us know the history of. </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">As a white person who has lived in California for just about half of my life (San Diego for the first half of it and a weird little Central Valley stint in my mid-20's), I have my own perspective on Mexican food: Either give it to me authentic, fresh from your tia's kitchen, or make it absurdly bastardized from a world where anything with Fritos is considered "authentico".</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Here are my top recipes for a gringo-centered "Mexican" menu:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicHX3F02zePvKox4pqJ9B7E5YSk6XAEuI7aFbt7QuLcAOHaCUnA3PMljTkUDCwNBTQ1xCngRBqKG4nEfNKTh0gjjs161-pH_xDVWr2hSFi-2OPowQXiCqkoACJGkVDV9i9qorVA4WWb2Q/s1600/saucequeso.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicHX3F02zePvKox4pqJ9B7E5YSk6XAEuI7aFbt7QuLcAOHaCUnA3PMljTkUDCwNBTQ1xCngRBqKG4nEfNKTh0gjjs161-pH_xDVWr2hSFi-2OPowQXiCqkoACJGkVDV9i9qorVA4WWb2Q/s1600/saucequeso.jpg" width="295" /></a></div>
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<i><b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">"Queso"</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></b></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">(Recipe makes one tailgating-sized vat)</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">There are endless versions of this, but this is what my Uncle Ken made at every San Diego Chargers game I can remember from my youth, so it's the official best version...</span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: inherit;">Ingredients</span></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>1 brick (2lbs) of Velveeta.</b> Good news, this cheese-product is shelf stable, so you can just always have one or two of these golden bricks on hand for any situations where you need deliciousness at a moment's notice.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>2 15oz cans of chili without beans.</b> You can use chili with beans, but I mean, do you really want to add healthy fiber to this sort of thing?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>2 small cans (or whatever math you want to do to buy a larger can) diced green chiles.</b> I personally buy whole chiles and dice them up. Not because I think that's somehow a more valid form of cooking, but because I hate the seeds that come all mixed in with the diced cans. So if you do it my way, rinse the whole chiles to get rid of the seeds and just dice them up fairly small. Then you can pretend like you actually cooked instead of just dumped a bunch of stuff into a slow cooker.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><b>Note:</b> I made this last night for a potluck and realized that I had forgotten to buy the green chiles. I discovered that a couple of spoonfuls of chipotle in adobo make a tasty (and spicier) addition.</i></span><br />
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<u>Directions</u></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Step one:</span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Cube the Velveeta. I don't know, into one inch pieces? Enough that it melts a little faster and leaves little crevices for the chili to melt through. </span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Step two:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Dump. Dump everything else in a slow cooker. 4 quart sized seems to work best for this recipe since it will form a skin on the top of you leave the lid off (It's fine, just stir it in and no one will even know). The 6-7 quart size leaves a little too much surface area.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Step three:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Wait. This will melt in a few hours. Maybe 2-3. You can stir it a few times to help it along and make yourself feel like you have a purpose. Stirring is great for that.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Step four: </span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Eat. Use tortilla chips. Or Fritos Scoops if you're feeling like treating yo'self.</span><br />
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</span><a href="https://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0sswt4Pf21qfeoifo1_500.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0sswt4Pf21qfeoifo1_500.gif" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="font-size: x-large;">Chili Cream Cheese Dip</span></i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Another dip that will make you the favorite person at the party. I find that the trashier the dip, the more everyone goes insane for it. So my main advice is to stop trying to impress your "foodie" friends with recipes that have professionally styled pictures on Pinterest and embrace the fact that everyone loves chips dipped in cheesy salty preservatives.</span></div>
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<u><span style="font-family: inherit;">Ingredients</span></u></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>1 package of cream cheese</b>. Full fat or light, pick your poison.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">1 cup of shredded cheddar cheese</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>1 15 oz can of chili</b>. Again, no bean chili works best, but use whatever is cheapest.</span></div>
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<u>Directions</u></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Step one:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Preheat oven to 375 F. Spread cream cheese in an oven safe casserole dish. An 8 or 9 inch square dish works best.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Step two:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Spread the chili over the cream cheese.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Step three:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sprinkle the cheddar all over the top.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Step four:</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Bake in the oven for about 15 minutes until it's a bubbling lava pit of cheese and chili. While I ordinarily love crispy brown bits on a cheese topping, you want this dip to stay soft on top, otherwise it's too hard to scoop with your chip of choice. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfVVxqEn-LFoORkKVjUAT_oO8hkCD9A5GH23d0YnV6ZkPM3ZurbklNzzh5hlVL8xdosT33oXV5kS6jBcDWIv2HBtKwNUWlYjmKr2rOMlBFw9rOEF0Sjk8WIVE83nCcdBnnRqHKzac23iU/s1600/sourcreamenchiladas.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfVVxqEn-LFoORkKVjUAT_oO8hkCD9A5GH23d0YnV6ZkPM3ZurbklNzzh5hlVL8xdosT33oXV5kS6jBcDWIv2HBtKwNUWlYjmKr2rOMlBFw9rOEF0Sjk8WIVE83nCcdBnnRqHKzac23iU/s1600/sourcreamenchiladas.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfVVxqEn-LFoORkKVjUAT_oO8hkCD9A5GH23d0YnV6ZkPM3ZurbklNzzh5hlVL8xdosT33oXV5kS6jBcDWIv2HBtKwNUWlYjmKr2rOMlBFw9rOEF0Sjk8WIVE83nCcdBnnRqHKzac23iU/s1600/sourcreamenchiladas.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfVVxqEn-LFoORkKVjUAT_oO8hkCD9A5GH23d0YnV6ZkPM3ZurbklNzzh5hlVL8xdosT33oXV5kS6jBcDWIv2HBtKwNUWlYjmKr2rOMlBFw9rOEF0Sjk8WIVE83nCcdBnnRqHKzac23iU/s1600/sourcreamenchiladas.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfVVxqEn-LFoORkKVjUAT_oO8hkCD9A5GH23d0YnV6ZkPM3ZurbklNzzh5hlVL8xdosT33oXV5kS6jBcDWIv2HBtKwNUWlYjmKr2rOMlBFw9rOEF0Sjk8WIVE83nCcdBnnRqHKzac23iU/s400/sourcreamenchiladas.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: x-large;"><b><i>Sour Cream Enchiladas</i></b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">You will see a lot of variations on this recipe as well, but I maintain that the way my mom makes these is the true, best way to make them. This means that they are stuffed with cheese only. Believe me, I have tried to bulk these up with chicken or fajita vegetables, and I will tell you that every single time I have regretted it. Just embrace the unadulterated cheese covered in creamy white sauce.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"><u>Ingredients:</u></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><b>8-10 soft taco sized flour tortillas</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><b>3 cups Monterey Jack cheese, shredded.</b> Do not try to get fancy with another cheese. MAYBE a colby jack, but you're pushing it, mister.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><b>3 tablespoons butter</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><b>3 tablespoons flour</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><b>2 cups chicken broth</b>. Instant is perfectly fine. "Better than Bouillon" is better. Which makes sense, really. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><b>1 cup sour cream</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><b>1/2 - 3/4 cup of jarred salsa</b>. Use your favorite. Our favorite is La Victoria, medium heat. Don't bother using a delicious pico de gallo style salsa, you want this to be more saucy than chunky-and-fresh so that it melds better as a cream sauce.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><u>Directions:</u></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><b>Step one:</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;">Preheat oven to 350 F.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;">Roll up the shredded cheese in the tortillas and place in a greased 9×13 pan. I can usually get eight across and then two more along the long side in the space above the eight. If you can't quite fit the last two in, just make the other eight cheesier. Set aside.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><b>Step two:</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;">Melt butter in a pan over medium heat. </span><span style="color: #222222;">Stir flour into butter and whisk for 1 minute over heat. You're basically making a simple roux. </span><span style="color: #222222;">Add broth and whisk together. Cook until it’s thickened and bubbly</span><span style="color: #222222;">. This is not unlike how gravy is made.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><b>Step three:</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;">Take the roux/broth mixture off heat and add in the sour cream and salsa. Make sure it isn't still screaming hot and boiling or the sour cream will do bad things. Add enough salsa that the sauce is light pink. You may find that you want more salsa flavor the next time you make it, but this is the way I like it. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;"><b>Step four:</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;">Pour the sauce mixture over the enchiladas. I also wiggle the sauce a little into the crevices between the enchiladas with a spatula. It helps them to not stick together so that you can actually get the number you want out of the pan when you're serving up.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;">Bake in oven for 15 mins covered in foil. Uncover </span></span><span style="color: #222222;">and add any remaining cheese on top. Or grate some more and add that, too.</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;"> Bake for 5-10 more minutes until everything is bubbly and heated through. You can then broil the top until the cheese is browned, but that's your call. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;">Obviously, these recipes are nowhere close to anything in the traditional cuisine of Mexico. In fact, they probably originated from a Mormon or Lutheran church cookbook (which is the best place to find recipes. God loves terrible delicious food.). </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222;">But since the holiday of Cinco de Mayo itself is a little suspect as celebrated among non-Latino folks, just embrace the fact that if you are white, you will always be a little lame and boring because of this and eat some bubbling cheese. </span></span><br />
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the Saucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10604590169010936783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117585557702328705.post-15996796237660589282015-03-17T21:18:00.000-07:002015-05-04T12:47:43.923-07:00A treatise on cupcakes and identity politicsI went to school in Europe for a year, and the most important thing I learned while I was there is that Europeans hate it when Americans claim to be other nationalities. You know the thing we do, where a moderate helping of Gallic ancestry makes you "French," or, say, that a smattering of Scottish blood obviously means you are descended—<i>loosely</i>, of course—from Rob Roy.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.ladykentmores.com/userimages/LiamNeeson.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.ladykentmores.com/userimages/LiamNeeson.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My family says we are.</td></tr>
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I learned this the hard way, by making a similar statement to a new Scottish acquaintance and having her look at me like she'd suddenly discovered gum under the doorknob. <br />
<a name='more'></a>Later, I reflected on all of the different histories and cultures I so casually claimed based on my muttish family line, and I felt terrible. It was undeniably arrogant, self-serving, and simplistic—and it was so well-meant. I think such a collection of traits reveal this tendency to be an American one, more strongly than any flag or inappropriately-timed tennis shoe ever could. Not to mention, the casual assumption that blood is more important than any other marker of identity...but i<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One-drop_rule" target="_blank">t's not like that's ever gotten us in trouble</a> or anything, right?<br />
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So okay, I meant for this to be light-hearted. Because today is St. Patrick's Day, a day where it's okay for literally anyone to claim to be "Irish," if being Irish consists solely of getting drunk and wearing mismatched green clothing. But it DOESN'T. There's a hugely long, complex history to that part of the world and my having an Irish grandmother doesn't confer me the right to make light of a tragic part of that history by doing shots named after a type of terrorism.<br />
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St. Patrick's Day is probably the most egregious example of Americans usurping an identity as an excuse to get shitfaced, and was rightly condemned by the Europeans I met who a) don't seem to need an excuse to get shitfaced and b) don't really know about Cinco de Mayo.<br />
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But...I have a hard time feeling completely bad about Americans' desire to see themselves in other cultures and societies, when the alternative seems to be the isolationism and exceptionalism that has defined so much of our relationship with the world. Obviously <a href="http://www.websiteboyz.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/St-Patricks-Day-2015-Clothes-Outfits-Costumes-Ideas-For-Women-Girls-Men-Boys.jpg" target="_blank">we aren't going about it the right way</a> but maybe let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater here. Maybe this is just an opportunity waiting to be harnessed by better education, faster internet, and a growing sense that nationalities don't matter when the whole world is oppressed by the rich.<br />
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And so, the point. Over the weekend Stephanie and I made Irish Carbomb cupcakes, a less-curdled version of the famous cocktail, and I posit that these are the way to have our cake and eat it too, in both the literal and ethical sense.<br />
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The recipe is an unabashed hybrid, pulling the frosting from <a href="http://www.bettycrocker.com/recipes/chocolate-stout-cupcakes-with-irish-cream-buttercream/f8f091c3-ee85-4236-bef8-41842b4f0e2d" target="_blank">here</a>, and the ganache from <a href="http://www.browneyedbaker.com/irish-car-bomb-cupcakes/" target="_blank">here</a>, and using a boxed cake mix because Stephanie has FEELINGS about that, but they taste good and they mean well, and they aren't really hurting anyone, even if maybe some kale would be better for us. Tomorrow we'll eat kale. Tomorrow, we'll be better. Today, we'll just be "Irish."the Saucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10604590169010936783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117585557702328705.post-24443189652019156042015-03-11T16:21:00.000-07:002015-05-04T12:48:04.158-07:00The One Where We Dream About Our Future as Entrepreneurs <div style="background-color: white; font-size: small;">
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:29 PM</span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Did you hear about that Maine bed and breakfast that you can win with a 200 word essay?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:29 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No, but if you win it, I will move and help you run it.</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We can be whaler's wives.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:30 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I suspect they might be looking for someone who doesn't actively hate domesticity</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:30 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You don't know that.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:30 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Educated guess</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:30 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;">They could be looking for someone who wants to make a difference. S</span><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;">hake off the "stuffy B&B" stigma</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:31 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It would be interesting to run a B&B known for its unmade beds, scuzzy bathrooms and breakfasts consisting of like, one giant pancake per diner.</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's like the baby of a B&B and a hostel.</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 13.3333330154419px;">"Katharine's Hostile Bed and Breakfast"</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:32 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The beds would be made, they would just be made like, by pulling up the mismatched blankets and calling it good.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:32 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;">Um</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You are overestimating my bedmaking</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:33 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You don't ever just pull up the covers just enough so the cat hair mostly stays on the outside?</span></span><br />
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That's all I do.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:34 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That would be a good idea</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But no</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That is just too much for me at 7am</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:34 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, you can do the business part</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:35 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And the giant pancake?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:35 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and I will cook</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">on non-pancake day</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:35 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">OK</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That's a good business plan. This essay writes itself!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: 8pt; word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="font-size: 8pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: 8pt; text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:36 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ideally one of us should have a surly daughter we can force to do the cleaning for free.</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not it</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:36 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, once I find my whaler husband, I will do what I can, child-labor-wise.</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He is only ashore once every few years</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">but we'll be doin' it the whole time he's back.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:37 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So I'll have to do the cooking then, too</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:37 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;">It can be a special event!</span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Pancake and caesar salad week!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:40 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then when he's gone and I'm back to my "he's-at-homes", we'll have muffins and bacon again.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:40 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How many words is this? I'm just going to send this to the B&B owners as-is</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:40 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 13.3333330154419px;">Make sure the B&B has a widow's walk on the roof.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 10pt;">And we'll need to make sure there's room in the budget for our daily opium.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="word-wrap: break-word;"> </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:42 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So what I'm getting from this is that this we are turning this into a theme B&B, like those ones where you live like a Jane Austin heroine, except this is a Nantucket whaler widow experience </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:43 PM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sure. Our evening activities can include carving your own sex toy out of whalebone and laying on a fainting couch post-laudanum.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; word-wrap: break-word;"> </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:43 PM</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13.3333330154419px;">God that sounds relaxing</span><br />
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the Saucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10604590169010936783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117585557702328705.post-23560102931277825352015-03-05T15:33:00.000-08:002015-05-04T12:48:18.170-07:00Things We Said<div style="font-size: small;">
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">10:31 AM</span></span></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;">I'm just saying, no one want to be the Beezus.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">10:31 AM</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">The world needs Beezus</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">NOTHING GETS DONE WITHOUT BEEZUS</span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><br /></span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="color: black; direction: ltr; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;">....</span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:23 PM</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Thanks for the zinc tablets. I just swallow them with water, right?</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:24 PM</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">You crush them up, heat them up in the bowl of a spoon with a lighter, then inject them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Obviously.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:25 PM</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Well, i just wanted to double-check. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">If I have saline, can I dissolve and inject?</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:25 PM</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I mean, it's ZINC. How else would you take it besides heating it up in a spoon and injecting it?</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:25 PM</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">So...swallow with water?</span></div>
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<span dir="ltr" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:26 PM</span></span></span></span><br />
<span dir="ltr" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Yep.</span></span><br />
<span dir="ltr" style="direction: ltr; font-size: 10pt; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Or you can also crush it up and mix it with cheez whiz, then lick it off your hand.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 8pt;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine </span> <span style="text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:26 PM</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I'd have to go to the store though</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; word-wrap: break-word;">Stephanie </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt;"> </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:26 PM</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Peanut butter would work, too</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Or you can just shove it into a piece of hotdog and swallow it whole.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">There are a lot of options, really.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; word-wrap: break-word;">Katharine</span><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt;"> </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 8pt; text-align: right; white-space: nowrap;">3:29 PM</span><br />
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">I will not be compared to a dog, even in jest, Stephanie.</span></div>
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the Saucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10604590169010936783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117585557702328705.post-61899892043542494262015-02-14T12:36:00.000-08:002015-03-05T15:38:24.867-08:00Saucecast—Swingers and See's Candies, a modern Valentine's DayHave a historically accurate celebration this year by hand-embossing your homemade Valentines, baking heart-shaped treats, and taking a prisoner-wife from your vanquished barbarian enemies.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-sauce/id973580999" target="_blank">Find us on iTunes</a> . Subscribe and rate us for extra brownie points.the Saucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10604590169010936783noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117585557702328705.post-60980402647675543992015-01-10T13:25:00.000-08:002015-03-05T16:19:39.252-08:00Nontraditional uses of office supplies<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t craft. I’m not
against it, really, it just seems like so much extra effort, compared to coming
home and watching <i>Law and Order: SVU</i>
on Netflix. Pretty much like how being a con artist seems so much harder than
just working a shitty job. Like, yeah, maybe eventually there’s a big payoff
and you don’t hate yourself at the end of the day, but what a lot of <i>work </i>it is when you could just collect
your paycheck and watch <i>LaO: SVU </i>already.</div>
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<br />
<a name='more'></a>So anyway, when you spend as much time watching police
procedurals as I do, there’s just no time for the world of arts and crafts and
creativity and personally rewarding hobbies. The problem with this stance which
I’m usually pretty comfortable with and not at all ashamed of, is that I don’t
have some of the normal arts/crafts tools that can occasionally come in handy
(needle, thread, fabric paint). And being both cheap and lazy (see again: hobby
of Netflix watching) I’m not about to run out and buy these things on my own
free time with my own hard-won funds, just because I happen to have a hole in
my sleeve. Luckily, I am forced to spend the majority of my time at work, where
there is an <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">abundance</i> of pre-purchased
supplies of the craft variety. You just have to be a little creative about it (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">arts</i> and crafts, remember) and you too
can manage to live as an adult woman who doesn’t own an emergency sewing kit.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Herewith, nontraditional uses of office supplies.
You can call them life hacks, but really they’re too lazy for that term.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>The item: binder clips</b></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Hair clips (like a goth version of butterfly
clips from middle school)</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Hide cleavage in a low-cut shirt</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Closing chip bags</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Closing anything. Embrace your artistic side!</span></li>
</ul>
<b><br /></b>
<b>The item: rubber bands</b><br />
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Hair bands. Just…I know it’s bad. But sometimes
you’ve had a rough night and you don’t know it until you make it unshowered to
work the next day and you just…something just…ughhhhh…</span><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">something has to be done</i></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Turning long, loose sleeves that are a little
too short into three-quarter length sleeves. Rubber-band the end of the sleeve
just under your elbow and blouse the extra fabric over to hide. Not recommended
with pants, unless you’re super into the genie-pant thing</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Taking in too-big pants and skirts</span></li>
</ul>
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<b>The item: packing tape</b></div>
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I’m not really going to go into this one, as it’s
pretty much been covered by duct tape/Internet. However, I have been very
successful closing skirt slits that go too high and “darning” socks with this
method. Also removing blackheads if you’re alone in the office. I also like to
use little strips of it to keep my bra straps from showing.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>The item: Scotch tape</b><o:p></o:p></div>
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See above, but less impact-resistant. If you’re
removing your blackheads with scotch tape, they aren’t actually bad enough to
require removal.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>The item: black sharpie</b></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Disguising bleach spots on dark clothes</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Fixing runs in dark tights—just color a swath of
skin larger than the run. Make sure you remember to warm any significant others
before disrobing that night</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Filling in chips in dark nail polish</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Concealing small pimples on your face. Note:
these should be </span><i style="text-indent: -0.25in;">small</i><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;"> and in standard
beauty mark locations. Big, fat, Sharpie-d pimple on your cheek/nose/forehead =
wart</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Filling in scuffs on dark shoes</span></li>
</ul>
<b><br /></b>
<b>The item: black sharpie, fine tip</b><br />
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</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Fixing holes in fishnets. This only really works
if you anticipate not moving around very much. If you’re going to be doing
anything except channeling “sexy secretary” just embrace the trashiness and
channel teenage hooker</span></li>
</ul>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><br /></b>
<b>The item: White-Out</b></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Filling in chips in light nail polish. As most
chipping happens on the tips (especially if you are an office computer monkey)
a full-hand fake French manicure is your best bet here</span></li>
</ul>
<b><br /></b>
<b>The item: paper clips</b><br />
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</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Removing nail polish from cuticles. Unbend half
of the paper clip to create a piece of wire with a little handle. Apply lotion
to your cuticles and gently scrape off the errant polish with the straight end
of the wire</span></li>
</ul>
<b><br /></b>
<b>The item: staples/stapler</b><br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Hemming pants</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Mom-ifying high slits and low-cut shirts. NEVER
QUESTION why so much of your office wear is slutty. Just embrace it and make
non-permanent modifications</span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
<b><br /></b>
<b>The item: Post-Its</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Faking a camisole (best when used with packing
tape) if you’re tired of stapling all your slutty clothes</span></li>
<li><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Bookmarks</span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo5; tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt; text-indent: -.25in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b>
<b>The item: staple remover</b></div>
<ul>
<li>Straight remover: pushing back cuticles, cleaning under nails</li>
<li>Regular "jaws" remover:<span style="font-family: Symbol; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span></span><span style="text-indent: -0.25in;">Un-momifying office clothes. Happy hour, ahoy!</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
the Saucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10604590169010936783noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117585557702328705.post-78931813349037309122014-12-10T12:47:00.000-08:002015-03-05T16:20:02.894-08:00Hail Caesar<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the years, my father and I have developed a bit of a
special relationship. Like the United States and the UK, this relationship has
probably been helped by the fact that we reside three thousand miles apart, and
hindered by a profoundly different sensibility of what constitutes correct
behavior in public. Like the United States, my father has a tendency to act
rashly and with great commotion when he is feeling threatened; he almost always
apologizes but just as often it’s a little too late. Like the United Kingdom, I
often take myself a little too seriously and feel very aggrieved when my point
of view is not immediately recognized. We share a
taste for scatological humor, but if asked would probably tell very different
jokes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<a name='more'></a>Growing
up, without the benefit of a country between us, this relationship was more
stressful than truly special. In retrospect, I can acknowledge that I
occasionally behaved less than admirably (an incident in Montreal springs to
mind). The kitchen provided a particular flashpoint—I was often asked to help
with dinner, only to find myself being instructed, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ad infinitum,</i> on the correct ways to wash vegetables, trim the ends
off of string beans, or set the table. This, despite the fact that I was
seventeen and we routinely used paper towels in place of napkins. So helping
became bickering became shouting became blaming became crying, until no one
really wanted to eat together and collectively the Hart family wished it wasn’t
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">so </i>high-handed about not watching TV
during dinner. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I
regret those tense evenings—besides being generally detrimental to family
harmony, my inability to coexist in the heart of the home with my father deprived
me of a certain inheritance. My dad is a great cook, creative (sometimes too)
and experimental, with an innate sense of how to balance a dish and a meal. Basics that I could have learned from
him—how to roast a chicken, or broil fish, or grill a steak—are now
prohibitively intimidating; I now subsist largely on frozen pizzas. I admitted to my boss today that I can’t
reliably hard-boil an egg. Afterward, she seemed sad.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This
is all leading up to an admission—deep breath, gird loins—that potlucks create within me a maelstrom of
fear and self-doubt. In no way am I capable of providing any sort of entrée and
I don’t have the seniority to get away with just bringing condiments (oh, but
one sweet day I will). Still, there is one dish I can make that I am proud
of—inordinately proud of, given the depth of my general limitations—a dish that
I learned from my father during some brief, magical period of <i>détente</i>. It’s a modified Caesar salad,
and once my dad taught it to me, it became my job to make the dressing each
time we ate it. It was one of the only things he actually set out to
teach me from scratch in the kitchen, and then he backed off to let me own it
afterward; in fact, he would claim later that he’d forgotten how to make it,
since I’d been doing it for so long. I’m sharing it here under duress, because
this honestly represents my only culinary secret weapon. You’re welcome. God
Save the Queen.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Shawn’s Caesar salad</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
*Note: my dad almost never works with or from recipes. All
of these are approximations based on ending up with about three tablespoons of
dressing, which is enough for about 4-5 servings of salad. No promises.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
*Another note: Stephanie reminded me that this can also be made
in a jar, and kept overnight/for a few days and shaken vigorously to mix when
you are ready to use it. This is true.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ingredients<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2-3 tablespoons of olive oil (I don’t care what kind you
use, but just today I learned that if the oil doesn’t have a kind of peppery
finish, it means it’s getting too old. Just FYI)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A couple hearty pinches of kosher salt<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Slightly less black pepper<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2-3 cloves of garlic (depending on size), minced (Oh yeah,
this salad is really heavy on the garlic. You can adjust that if you don’t like
a really garlicky taste, but that’s actually an abomination and really you
should probably just be using bottled ranch dressing)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Teaspoon of Dijon mustard<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A couples splashes of Worcestershire sauce<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Juice from half a lemon<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A couple of anchovies, mashed (These are optional. You can
also substitute a little of the olive oil with oil from the anchovies, if
you’re like me and resent the tiny little hair-bones)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tablespoon of plain yogurt (Typically a raw egg is cracked
into a Caesar dressing to give it some creaminess and viscosity. My mother
refuses to eat anything that isn’t thoroughly cooked, so this was my dad’s
compromise. Egg Beaters, which are pasteurized, also work.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Head of Romaine lettuce, washed and torn into bite-sized
pieces, and blotted dry. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As much Parmesan cheese as your budget can support<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fancy croutons (Zupans sells the best ones) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Directions<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pour the olive oil in your dressing bowl and follow with the
salt and pepper. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Add the garlic. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Add the mustard, Worcestershire, and lemon. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whisk with a fork. Taste. Adjust. The mustard and
Worcestershire balance each other out, and the lemon tempers both. The three
main flavors should be garlic, lemon and—a distant third—salt. Keep adjusting
until you taste those three flavors, with a layer underneath of meaty spice.
You might need to add more olive oil, or more of everything. Don’t worry about
it, this dressing is also excellent when sopped up with extra bread. You won’t
have too much.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Add the anchovies, if you’re using them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Re-whisk.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Add the yogurt, or Egg Beaters. Or add a raw egg, but you’re
on your own with that one.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Re-whisk.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dress lettuce. The dressing can be put on the romaine
immediately, or refrigerated until the rest of the meal is ready—it can even be
covered and kept overnight if you’re making this for a work potluck or
something, though why you would waste good Parmesan cheese on something like
that is beyond me. If you don’t use the dressing right away, be sure to
re-whisk before you do use it as it will separate.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Top dressed lettuce with Parmesan cheese and croutons, or
let people top individually once the salad is served. This can be more
expensive cheese-wise.</div>
the Saucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10604590169010936783noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5117585557702328705.post-30198778994017456762014-10-16T13:02:00.000-07:002015-03-05T16:20:22.893-08:00Drinking bitters while bitter<div class="MsoNormal">
When Stephanie asked me to write a post about drinking
bitters while bitter, I wasn’t insulted. It would be irresponsible of me at
this point to alienate the few friends I’ve retained by taking offense when
they recognize the personality I’ve so assiduously built for myself. And
obviously, it was meant to be taken lightly, a wink to my grumpish tendencies
rather than a pointed, passive-aggressive warning that I’d better <i>perk the fuck up, already. </i>So it didn’t
bother me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<a name='more'></a>Like
I said, being bitter isn’t really an issue for me, and so I kind of figured I’d
half-ass this one, which is maybe a bad sign or like, a lack of commitment, to
be punting already on this thing I agreed to do, but whatever, it’s not like I
need anything else in my life to feel like even more of a chore. And I can
always stand to do more drinking. The problem arose when I actually set out to
do the research on this topic (read: go get a drink) and realized that I’d
gotten myself into a bit of a pickle. See, as grumpy and mean as I am on a
daily basis, that’s me <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sober.</i> Or
hung-over. Whatever. But I’m actually a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">good</i>
drunk—happy, freewheeling, giggly, everything a women is supposed to be except
I don’t really get all that slutty—and have, in point of fact, been using this quality
to survive social situations for years<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i>now.
I tend to be ever so slightly socially anxious on top of my natural
cantankerousness, and booze takes those edges right off. I’m not saying I can’t
socialize without alcohol, but—I’m not going to say I can’t socialize without
alcohol, if you’d just get off my back about it already.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So,
shit, right? Here I’m supposed to be trying a couple of different drinks
involving bitters and writing about them from the perspective of a naturally
crotchety person, or whatever, and I’m confronted with the reality that
drinking makes me <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">happy</i>. It’s a
fucking paradox, is what it is. Neither can live while the other survives.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Luckily,
I live in Portland, where it’s really easy for someone like me (an intolerant,
perfectionist conformist) to stack the bitterness deck in my favor. I
headed to a bar that I’ve avoided my entire time living in the neighborhood,
precisely because I knew it would tick me off. With dark wood, fancy cocktails,
a vegan menu and an American Spirits-friendly patio, this place is a hipster
haven, with a heavy dash of bro. I invited my sister, who often makes me feel
bad about myself because her work and social life is so superior to mine, to
reinforce my bitterness barricades. All of the bartenders had on suspenders and
trucker caps, and one of the patrons wore a wedding dress. I was furious.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Never
having had bitters, I ordered the cocktail on the menu that contained the most
of it. No sense wading in when you can cannonball. It was called “Paper Wings”
and contained Bombay Sapphire, Amaro Nonino, yellow chartreuse, with angostura
and barrel aged bitters, served up. It cost $10. (Note: does the Sauce have an
expense account? It should have an expense account.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My sister got something that sounded
better and was cheaper than mine, so everything was going according to plan.
While we waited I tried to take a picture of the woman in the wedding dress.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxE4pZP1-vwpdkNnF_oUkiEEibdvIwFwMNDNFLlPJXFYD820QCPIwrIQNBh5UIYb3ezHYw1fOmtHQeJ3sDr4MbKN_dbSaa7eE5J5GgZxquWR13kmkKhwe0u1iJznqKSZ32evKYMSYf11U/s1600/IMG_0334.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxE4pZP1-vwpdkNnF_oUkiEEibdvIwFwMNDNFLlPJXFYD820QCPIwrIQNBh5UIYb3ezHYw1fOmtHQeJ3sDr4MbKN_dbSaa7eE5J5GgZxquWR13kmkKhwe0u1iJznqKSZ32evKYMSYf11U/s1600/IMG_0334.JPG" height="200" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Right?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When
the bartender brought our drinks, I almost felt bad that I had guaranteed
myself such a terrible experience. Here I was, fully prepared to get <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">nothing positive at all </i>from this
experiment, sacrificing a potentially lovely little champagne saucer cocktail
to my pique and a vague blogging directive. Was this how I wanted to live my
life? Was this what freedom meant?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIk41pzYEFB3aoSAtiSad0mHzrY1JRqSAygVHY1xyACYtY0G6bD-ad8vFOnVuDadwwOfC9WKvRK9qdaQ_NehuiBJKXPOJLHrXBcHnljrytDoO86-Pe163CAlthrJzR9nZPkTExzDvaM2M/s1600/IMG_0332.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIk41pzYEFB3aoSAtiSad0mHzrY1JRqSAygVHY1xyACYtY0G6bD-ad8vFOnVuDadwwOfC9WKvRK9qdaQ_NehuiBJKXPOJLHrXBcHnljrytDoO86-Pe163CAlthrJzR9nZPkTExzDvaM2M/s1600/IMG_0332.JPG" height="200" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then I tasted it. Here are the notes I took on my phone,
verbatim:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
“Tastes
like the junk drawer in the kitchen”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
“Tastes
like an old man’s pocket”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
“Like
walking through the perfume section of Macy’s with your mouth open”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
“Secret
to drinking: throw back over your tongue, breathe heavily through nose a few times <span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">until intensity dissipates. Ignore
burning on tongue/back of throat.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjuFgOOuOU1-jM8vTfNa6EQ6kM4ZSdI4BFfz6qSpyuP2pa_ROV8Tq2BEB5HsVLwRr5Hje2UpWowZ9y429sGo798iuIKOOcNCnaz022bPrln-lTeBlouer-lAd1BGYmvUTK_Ohr_VLx7n0/s1600/IMG_0349.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjuFgOOuOU1-jM8vTfNa6EQ6kM4ZSdI4BFfz6qSpyuP2pa_ROV8Tq2BEB5HsVLwRr5Hje2UpWowZ9y429sGo798iuIKOOcNCnaz022bPrln-lTeBlouer-lAd1BGYmvUTK_Ohr_VLx7n0/s1600/IMG_0349.JPG" height="200" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My face after swallowing. That expression is called "grimace."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My sister (whose drink<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
was </i>delicious, that cow) went through a bitters phase over the summer—just
long enough, she said, to place the flavor as “antique tablecloth”—and then
moved on. Tasting mine, we agreed that it was JUST. TOO. MUCH. Ultimately, the
name, at least, was perfect—more than anything, the cocktail tasted like
chewing the perfume tester strips that you end up with in your pocket after a
day at the mall, all twisted and moth-winged. I couldn’t finish it. (Seriously.
Expense account.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So
after I recovered, I was just going to write about that whole terrible
experience, but then I thought about it and realized I wasn’t being totally
fair. Yes, it was important not to lose my expected natural bitterness when
experimenting with bitters, but that didn’t mean I had to achieve peak
bittering before even tasting those bitters. I didn’t need to be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">steeped</i> in bitterness, so to speak. I
resolved to try again, aiming for a slightly more even keel of peevishness.
This time I went to my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">favorite</i>
neighborhood bar—but went when I knew a bartender who frustrated me would be
working. I knew I could ask her to make me a drink to order—but also knew it
would be expensive. And I went right before accompanying my boyfriend to watch
the Cardinals play the NLCS series—and the Cardinals make everyone just a
little bit bitter. I explained my predicament to the bartender, who, after she
topped off her iced coffee and changed the song on the sound system, decided to
make me a Long Hello.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Invented recently by a New York
bartender but named after some prog rock album from the ‘70s (sure, whatever),
its creator intended it to be the perfect drink for toasting newlyweds at an
autumn ceremony. I find both weddings and fall generate just about the perfect
amount of bitter in me, so I gave her the go-ahead. And it was, like many
things in my grumpy life, actually better than I expected. At the beginning, I mainly
tasted the champagne, but as the cocktail warmed up, the deeper flavors started
to emerge. The bitters themselves were more a scent than anything else—a whiff
of the dried prom corsage you stored away in your childhood closet. Bittersweet.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://41.media.tumblr.com/a0eea1cde00ea2c42bbc6b15bf9eeb74/tumblr_mtyvht0Dge1s2k430o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://41.media.tumblr.com/a0eea1cde00ea2c42bbc6b15bf9eeb74/tumblr_mtyvht0Dge1s2k430o1_500.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Long Hello</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
One serving</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
<o:p><i>Ingredients</i> </o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
3/4 ounce apple brandy
(preferably Clear Creek)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
3/4 ounce St. Germain
elderflower liqueur<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
1 dash Fee Brothers Whiskey
Barrel–Aged Bitters or Fee Brothers Old Fashion Aromatic Bitters<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
Champagne (or dry sparkling
wine)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
Garnish: freshly grated
nutmeg<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Directions<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
Combine apple brandy,
elderflower liqueur and bitters in a mixing glass.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
Add ice and stir until
chilled.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
Strain into a chilled coupe
glass or Champagne flute and top off with Champagne.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: .5in 57.05pt;">
Garnish with grated nutmeg.</div>
the Saucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10604590169010936783noreply@blogger.com1