Saturday, February 14, 2015

Saucecast—Swingers and See's Candies, a modern Valentine's Day

Have a historically accurate celebration this year by hand-embossing your homemade Valentines, baking heart-shaped treats, and taking a prisoner-wife from your vanquished barbarian enemies.


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Saturday, January 10, 2015

Nontraditional uses of office supplies

I don’t craft. I’m not against it, really, it just seems like so much extra effort, compared to coming home and watching Law and Order: SVU on Netflix. Pretty much like how being a con artist seems so much harder than just working a shitty job. Like, yeah, maybe eventually there’s a big payoff and you don’t hate yourself at the end of the day, but what a lot of work it is when you could just collect your paycheck and watch LaO: SVU already.


Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Hail Caesar

Over the years, my father and I have developed a bit of a special relationship. Like the United States and the UK, this relationship has probably been helped by the fact that we reside three thousand miles apart, and hindered by a profoundly different sensibility of what constitutes correct behavior in public. Like the United States, my father has a tendency to act rashly and with great commotion when he is feeling threatened; he almost always apologizes but just as often it’s a little too late. Like the United Kingdom, I often take myself a little too seriously and feel very aggrieved when my point of view is not immediately recognized. We share a taste for scatological humor, but if asked would probably tell very different jokes.


Thursday, October 16, 2014

Drinking bitters while bitter

When Stephanie asked me to write a post about drinking bitters while bitter, I wasn’t insulted. It would be irresponsible of me at this point to alienate the few friends I’ve retained by taking offense when they recognize the personality I’ve so assiduously built for myself. And obviously, it was meant to be taken lightly, a wink to my grumpish tendencies rather than a pointed, passive-aggressive warning that I’d better perk the fuck up, already. So it didn’t bother me.