Have a historically accurate celebration this year by hand-embossing your homemade Valentines, baking heart-shaped treats, and taking a prisoner-wife from your vanquished barbarian enemies.
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Saturday, February 14, 2015
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Nontraditional uses of office supplies
I don’t craft. I’m not
against it, really, it just seems like so much extra effort, compared to coming
home and watching Law and Order: SVU
on Netflix. Pretty much like how being a con artist seems so much harder than
just working a shitty job. Like, yeah, maybe eventually there’s a big payoff
and you don’t hate yourself at the end of the day, but what a lot of work it is when you could just collect
your paycheck and watch LaO: SVU already.
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Hail Caesar
Over the years, my father and I have developed a bit of a
special relationship. Like the United States and the UK, this relationship has
probably been helped by the fact that we reside three thousand miles apart, and
hindered by a profoundly different sensibility of what constitutes correct
behavior in public. Like the United States, my father has a tendency to act
rashly and with great commotion when he is feeling threatened; he almost always
apologizes but just as often it’s a little too late. Like the United Kingdom, I
often take myself a little too seriously and feel very aggrieved when my point
of view is not immediately recognized. We share a
taste for scatological humor, but if asked would probably tell very different
jokes.
Thursday, October 16, 2014
Drinking bitters while bitter
When Stephanie asked me to write a post about drinking
bitters while bitter, I wasn’t insulted. It would be irresponsible of me at
this point to alienate the few friends I’ve retained by taking offense when
they recognize the personality I’ve so assiduously built for myself. And
obviously, it was meant to be taken lightly, a wink to my grumpish tendencies
rather than a pointed, passive-aggressive warning that I’d better perk the fuck up, already. So it didn’t
bother me.
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