Saturday, May 9, 2015

Our Predictions for the "Game of Thrones" Characters aka "You know nothing, The Sauce" aka "50 Shades of Westeros"

Spoiler Alert:  The speculation below is based on what Katharine and I remember from reading and forgetting most of the first 5 books in the George R.R. Martin series "A Song of Ice and Fire".

Stephanie 8:21 AM
Just when I thought I was finally done with A Dance With Dragons, there's a zillion page epilogue chapter.
Katharine 8:22 AM
Ha. Well, enjoy it, because Martin is never going to write the next one.

Stephanie 8:22 AM
At this point the characters are all so spread out and ridiculous, I don't even care.
Kill them all.
And let Patchface rule Westeros.
Katharine 8:23 AM
I bet the whole thing will end with an asteroid crashing into the world and starting a new Ice Age and everyone will die.
Stephanie 8:24 AM
I just want the direwolves back.
Katharine 8:25 AM
Yeah, where is Arya's wolf? Does Martin even remember her?
Stephanie 8:25 AM
Or Shaggydog?
Or whatever the youngest Stark boy is named.  Has anyone bothered to pay attention to where he is?
Katharine 8:25 AM
Who now? Oh, that terrible little brat
What was his name, something with an R?
Stephanie 8:26 AM
Katharine 8:26 AM
Stephanie 8:26 AM
What if Rickon and Tommen end up ruling together as a fabulous gay couple?
Katharine 8:26 AM
And Jon Snow and Jaime are their disapproving father figures who bicker like they are a couple too?
Stephanie 8:27 AM
Margaery Tyrell could also join in
She has expressed (in the show at least) that she's down for polyamorous stuff
Katharine 8:29 AM
We need to find a role for Tyrion (obvs)
Stephanie 8:29 AM
He's the kooky neighbor, obvs.
Who runs the best little whorehouse in Westeros.
Like a dirtier Mr. Furley.
Katharine 8:30 AM
With Cersei??
Stephanie 8:31 AM
I want Cersei to go away
Like, maybe Cersei can go be banished and become the Khalesi of her own Dothraki tribe or whatever.
Be the baddest bitch on the Dothraki sea.
Katharine 8:32 AM
That's an interesting idea. So she and Daenerys can just be ineffective female rulers far away from all of the good characters
Stephanie 8:33 AM
And Arya can come back to Westeros and join up with Brienne of Tarth to make the Kingsguard a lesbian/Amazon warrior thing
Katharine 8:34 AM
What happens to Sansa?
Does SHE partner with Tyrion to run the best whorehouse in Westeros?
Stephanie 8:34 AM
I like that.
They'll be the Ropers.  
Sansa will wear whatever the Westerosi version of a muumuu is.
Katharine 8:35 AM
And is always pissed at Tyrion for sleeping with all the product without paying for it
Stephanie 8:35 AM
Well, she is the wife.
Katharine 8:35 AM
And has a secret affair with Littlefinger that she's ashamed of
Stephanie 8:35 AM
Honestly, that part of the book was slightly intriguing to me
I enjoy Littlefinger
Katharine 8:36 AM
Me too, though he doesn't really make any sense yet
Stephanie 8:36 AM
The Hound turns out not to be dead, but instead comes back to change his life and woo Sansa
A changed man
Now that his brother is dead, he can stop trying to pretend that he isn't just a big burnt teddy bear
Katharine 8:39 AM
I think we have something here
Stephanie 8:43 AM
Should we write this book as erotica and try to make a 50 Shades thing happen?
Katharine 8:47 AM
I think if you let Westerosi start getting into BDSM they will all just accidentally kill each other.
Stephanie 8:47 AM
Katharine 8:47 AM
We'll never know
Stephanie 8:49 AM
And the Hound is like "Sansa, please.  Call me Sandor.  I may still have the scars on my face, but my heart has finally healed..."
Katharine 8:51 AM
Whereas Sansa is beautiful, but her heart is cut to pieces by everything she's seen and done.
Stephanie 8:51 AM
They are MFEO.

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