Saucecast: Dew Day and Dirty Secrets

It's a poorly researched look at spring cleaning, y'all. You aren't going to learn anything about keeping a tidy home, but you will learn about how disgusting we all are.



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Avocado Pico de Gallo

I tried to look up the origin of the phrase "pico de gallo" only to find this as one of the possible explanations online:

"Fighting Cocks are calmed by their handlers by placing the rooster's head in the mouth. Darkness causes birds to immediately begin the sleep cycle. It was explained to me (by a great Restaurant owner in Acuna, Mex.) that often as soon as the handler put the bird's head in his mouth he would often be pecked on the tongue. The spices in the salsa gives the same feeling, hence 'pico de gallo' is the beak of a fighting rooster biting your tongue."

Which is a delightful visual.

This recipe adds in avocados as well as bell peppers to make a texture and flavor explosion that is all at once creamy, crunchy, and fresh.

Get that chicken head out of your mouth and get ready to put this in it...

Our Predictions for the "Game of Thrones" Characters aka "You know nothing, The Sauce" aka "50 Shades of Westeros"

Spoiler Alert:  The speculation below is based on what Katharine and I remember from reading and forgetting most of the first 5 books in the George R.R. Martin series "A Song of Ice and Fire".

Stephanie 8:21 AM

Just when I thought I was finally done with A Dance With Dragons, there's a zillion page epilogue chapter.

Katharine 8:22 AM

Ha. Well, enjoy it, because Martin is never going to write the next one.

...

Fatty Taters. Delicious and fun to say.

In honor of International No Diet Day, I present to you my most requested recipe, a dish I like to call "Fatty Taters".  

It's almost embarrassing in its simplicity and I always cringe when I am asked for the recipe because then everyone knows how absurdly easy these are.  It was given to me by my friend Melissa's mom because all the best recipes come from somebody's mom, not a food stylist.

Comida de Cultural Appropriation

It's almost Cinco de Mayo.  That holiday that everyone loves because it means drinking and taquitos and the holiday that very few of us know the history of.  

As a white person who has lived in California for just about half of my life (San Diego for the first half of it and a weird little Central Valley stint in my mid-20's), I have my own perspective on Mexican food:  Either give it to me authentic, fresh from your tia's kitchen, or make it absurdly bastardized from a world where anything with Fritos is considered "authentico".

Here are my top recipes for a gringo-centered "Mexican" menu:

"Queso" 

(Recipe makes one tailgating-sized vat)

There are endless versions of this, but this is what my Uncle Ken made at every San Diego Chargers game I can remember from my youth, so it's the official best version...

A treatise on cupcakes and identity politics

I went to school in Europe for a year, and the most important thing I learned while I was there is that Europeans hate it when Americans claim to be other nationalities. You know the thing we do, where a moderate helping of Gallic ancestry makes you "French," or, say, that a smattering of Scottish blood obviously means you are descended—loosely, of course—from Rob Roy.

My family says we are.

I learned this the hard way, by making a similar statement to a new Scottish acquaintance and having her look at me like she'd suddenly discovered gum under the doorknob.

The One Where We Dream About Our Future as Entrepreneurs

Katharine  3:29 PM

Did you hear about that Maine bed and breakfast that you can win with a 200 word essay?

Stephanie  3:29 PM

No, but if you win it, I will move and help you run it.

We can be whaler's wives.

Katharine  3:30 PM

I suspect they might be looking for someone who doesn't actively hate domesticity

Stephanie  3:30 PM

You don't know that.

Katharine  3:30 PM

Educated guess

Stephanie  3:30 PM

They could be looking for someone who wants to make a difference. Shake off the "stuffy B&B" stigma

Katharine  3:31 PM

It would be interesting to run a B&B known for its unmade beds, scuzzy bathrooms and breakfasts consisting of like, one giant pancake per diner.

It's like the baby of a B&B and a hostel.

"Katharine's Hostile Bed and Breakfast"

Stephanie  3:32 PM

The beds would be made, they would just be made like, by pulling up the mismatched blankets and calling it good.

Katharine  3:32 PM

Um

You are overestimating my bedmaking

Stephanie  3:33 PM

You don't ever just pull up the covers just enough so the cat hair mostly stays on the outside?

Things We Said

Stephanie  10:31 AM

I'm just saying, no one want to be the Beezus.

Katharine  10:31 AM
The world needs Beezus

NOTHING GETS DONE WITHOUT BEEZUS

....

Katharine   3:23 PM
Thanks for the zinc tablets. I just swallow them with water, right?
Stephanie   3:24 PM
You crush them up, heat them up in the bowl of a spoon with a lighter, then inject them.
Obviously.
Katharine  3:25 PM
Well, i just wanted to double-check. 
If I have saline, can I dissolve and inject?
Stephanie  3:25 PM
I mean, it's ZINC.  How else would you take it besides heating it up in a spoon and injecting it?
Katharine  3:25 PM
So...swallow with water?

Stephanie  3:26 PM
Yep.
Or you can also crush it up and mix it with cheez whiz, then lick it off your hand.

Katharine  3:26 PM
I'd have to go to the store though
Stephanie  3:26 PM
Peanut butter would work, too
Or you can just shove it into a piece of hotdog and swallow it whole.
There are a lot of options, really.
Katharine 3:29 PM
I will not be compared to a dog, even in jest, Stephanie.

Saucecast—Swingers and See's Candies, a modern Valentine's Day

Have a historically accurate celebration this year by hand-embossing your homemade Valentines, baking heart-shaped treats, and taking a prisoner-wife from your vanquished barbarian enemies.


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Nontraditional uses of office supplies

I don’t craft. I’m not against it, really, it just seems like so much extra effort, compared to coming home and watching Law and Order: SVU on Netflix. Pretty much like how being a con artist seems so much harder than just working a shitty job. Like, yeah, maybe eventually there’s a big payoff and you don’t hate yourself at the end of the day, but what a lot of work it is when you could just collect your paycheck and watch LaO: SVU already.